Either way is a hundred percent fine, and if he keeps pressuring you when you have made it clear that it is not on the table, tell him to suck it. We used Vaseline, but my boyfriend later realized that it deadens sensation on the skin, which was obviously helpful for my asshole but bad for his orgasm. You have also opened yourself up to the joy of butt queefs. This is a bit more alarming, because a hemorrhoid holds a bunch of blood inside. A good way to remedy that is using lots of lube and smarting with smaller objects, rather than big ones.
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